Behind The Lies

  Behind The Lies

  Heather Dahlgren

  Contents

  Behind The Lies

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  Note From The Author

  About the Author

  Stay Connected

  Acknowledgments

  Other Books by Heather Dahlgren

  Behind The Lies

  Heather Dahlgren

  Copyright © 2021 Heather Dahlgren

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information and retrieval system without express written permission from the Author/Publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  For everyone who has waited as long for this book as I have. I am honored and humbled to share it with you now.

  Prologue

  McKinley

  * * *

  There is a part of me that wishes I could drown in this shower right now. Get washed down the drain with all the lies, heartache, and anger. This isn’t who I am, at least not who I ever intended to be, but sitting on the bottom of the bathtub letting the shower beat down on me makes me realize just how real this all is. That is what the worst part of this is, in the beginning, my intentions were fucked up, but none of it seemed real. Nothing I was doing felt wrong, not at the time. Now, I know that there is nothing I can do to fix it. My world has literally come crashing down on me and it’s all my fault.

  After what feels like hours, I reach up and turn the shower off, but I don’t get out right away. I sit there shivering, letting my tears run down my face. I hear my cell phone ringing and for a second my heart skips a beat, but then I remember he’ll never call my phone again. He’ll never hold me in his arms, he’ll never make me laugh or make love to me. He is the love of my life and I shattered him, the lies shattered him.

  I get out of the shower, wrap a towel around myself and walk down the hall to my bedroom. I put on a pair of yoga pants, tank top and pile my wet hair on top of my head. I look around the bedroom that I’ve called mine for almost a year and know that I will no longer be welcome. I choke back a sob and go out into the living room. I crawl up in a ball on the couch, refusing to close my eyes because when I do, I see his face. Not the face that I love, the face of the way he looked at me last night when he found out. The man I love, that never even remotely showed a violent side, punched the wall over and over again until the sheetrock was crumbling. I can’t even say I was scared he would hurt me, because I knew he wouldn’t. Although, I wasn’t prepared for the tears and heartache that followed. The tears running down his face as he looked at me before walking out the door.

  I look at my wall and the pictures of the last year, which cause the sob I was holding back to break free. The last year was the happiest of my life. I had family, friends, and Braden. Not only Braden, but Dawn and Tiffany. I look at the picture of the four of us laying on a blanket in the backyard and the pain I feel is unexplainable. The picture of me and Blake, just adds to the ache. The one of me, Kallie, London, Shannon, and Brinley at Kallie’s birthday party. How the fuck could I have done this to everyone?

  I look over at my bookshelf and before I even realize it I’m on my feet. I start ripping things off the shelves. Books, pictures, albums. I just start ripping them apart, I want nothing to do with any of it. I don’t want the lies staring me in the face, I can’t handle it. I am absolutely hysterical sitting on the floor sounded by it all. “Fuck.”

  I stand up and go into the kitchen to pour myself a shot. After throwing back more shots than I can remember I lean against the counter, letting the alcohol swim through my veins. It does nothing to stop my pain, but at least I’m not crying. I take one more shot and go back to the couch. When I sit down, my eyes start to close, and I jerk myself up. I refuse to close my eyes. I get up and go to my bedroom, getting the suitcase out of the closet. I start throwing my clothes in and once it’s filled, I go get the other two. I only need my clothes when I leave, nothing else belongs to me, so I pack them all away. When I’m done, I sit down on the bed.

  I wake up screaming with tears running down my face. I look around the room and realize it wasn’t just a nightmare. This is why I didn’t want to sleep, but I guess considering I’m leaving or running, it was a good thing I slept until morning. I go into the bathroom, wash my face, brush my teeth, and brush my hair piling it back on top of my head. I grab everything out of the bathroom that’s mine, which isn’t much. Just my makeup, toothbrush, and lotions. I bring it back into the bedroom, open one of the suitcases, and drop it all in. I take a deep breath and take two of the suitcases out to the living room. I look around and shake my head at the mess I made but fuck it. I open the front door, grab my keys off the table and bring my suitcases out to the car. I pop the trunk and put them inside. I go back inside to get the last one before I leave.

  I wheel this one out of the bedroom, blinking quickly to keep the tears from falling. I walk past my wall of pictures and reach up grabbing the one with the four of us. I hold it close to my chest and drop my head back.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper it hoping it will somehow be heard by them all.

  I open my eyes and look around at what used to be a home filled with love, laugher, and friendship. Now, all I see are the lies I’ve told and the love I lost, the deafening silence and broken bonds. If I could knock on Blake’s door and start all over, I would have done it all completely different.

  Chapter 1

  One Year Earlier

  McKinley

  * * *

  I’m packing the rest of my clothes into my suitcases with a small smile on my face. I can’t wait to get out of this crappy town and shitty trailer. I have dreams, big dreams that are finally starting to feel like they are within my reach. As I fold a shirt and put it into my suitcase, I hear a car pulling onto my dirt driveway. I know without even looking that it’s my mom. I hear the front door creak open, and slam closed.

  “McKinley?”

  Shit, I wanted to be out of here before she found out I was leaving. She walks into my bedroom, looks around, and when she realizes what I’m doing she snaps her head to me. “Where the hell are you going?”

  I take a deep breath trying to figure out what to say to her. “I’m leaving Mama. I can’t find happiness here; my dreams will never come true in this shithole town.”

  She shakes her head and sits on the bed. “McKinley, if you actually gave this town a chance, maybe you’d find exactly what you were looking for.”

  She doesn’t get it. I don’t want to end up like her. I don’t want to live in a trailer my whole life, with a deadbeat husband and kids that I can’t control. I want more for myself and I can’t do that here.

  “Mama, please. I need to try, or I’ll never
know.” She forces a small smile and starts helping me fold my clothes.

  “Where are you going to go?” Now, this is what I was afraid of. I could easily lie, tell her that I don’t know, that I will know when I find it. I look at her beautiful face and it just comes out.

  “California.” She stops folding and grabs my hands, stopping me.

  “Where in California, McKinley?” I shrug my shoulders and she stands up, spinning me to look at her. “Where?”

  “Mama, I’m twenty-nine years old, stop talking to me like I’m a damn child. I don’t know where in California.”

  She shakes her head and runs her hand down her face. “I never should have told you about Blake. I should have taken it to the grave like his father asked me to.”

  I grin and turn back to my suitcase. “You mean our father.” She slaps me on the back of the head and fuck it hurts. “Damn Mama.”

  “You are such an ungrateful child. Your father is the man who raised you, the man who put food in your mouth and clothes on your back. The man who gave you a place to live and took care of both of us. The man who got me pregnant and decided he was too good for us; he is just the sperm.” She looks at me imploring me to listen.

  I sit down on the bed and look up at her. “There are always three sides to a story, your side, his side, and the truth. I want to know the truth.”

  She pushes the suitcase out of her way and sits next to me. “Listen, we may never have had enough money, just enough food, and gotten clothes from generous neighbors, but I tried. I tried to be the best mother I could be. I want you to have everything you never did, but I don’t want it to happen this way. If you show up on Blake’s doorstep and tell him, his world will forever change. He will know that his father lied to his mother, to him, and he’ll completely ignore you. Don’t you think you should consider his feelings before you rush off and do something like this?” I smile and she leans over wrapping me in a hug. “The least they can do is help me now.” I stand up and she shakes her head.

  “I raised you better than this,” she shouts.

  I put the last few things in my suitcase and zip it up. “You raised me to go after what I want. To not let anything stand in my way. Mama, you are standing in my way. This town is standing in my way. My reputation is standing in my way. I need a new start and I need that in California.”

  She stands up and starts walking to the door of my bedroom. Just as she walks through, she turns back to face me. “The only thing standing in your way is yourself. Everything that has happened to you has been your own damn fault, but I’ve been there to help you clean it up. Don’t call me when it happens in California, because I’m done bailing you out. You are on your own.”

  With that she walks out of the trailer, letting the door slam behind her, and drives off.

  I love my mom, I do, but she doesn’t realize how badly I need out of this town. I’ll never be anything more than the town slut, the girl who is willing to do anything for money, the girl who fails at everything she tries. I’m done with that. I need to go somewhere, where they don’t know me, won’t judge me, and are willing to help me.

  I carry my suitcases out to my beat-up Nissan Sentra and throw them inside. I go back inside and the only other thing I bring with me is a photo album. I grab my purse, cell phone, and keys, let the door slam behind me and get into the car.

  I’ve been driving for hours and I finally see a sign that says, now leaving Louisiana. I smile and know I am finally on my way. I turn the radio up and listen to Little Big Town sing ‘Tornado’ and it just makes me smile. It’s the perfect song for me right now. I sing, song after song that comes on, making my ride more fun than I thought it would be. I look down and realize I need to get gas soon and since I don’t know what lays ahead, I better get it at the next station. I see one and pull in. I get out and put the pump in my car while I go inside to get something to drink and pay for the gas.

  After I get on the road again my cell phone rings, and I look to make sure it isn’t my mom calling to bitch me out again. I answer it right away when I see it’s my best friend Leigh.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “McKinley, what are you doing? Your mama is over here crying to mine,” she says with sass in her voice.

  I roll my eyes and put her on speakerphone. “Leigh, I am finally going after my future.”

  I hear her close a door and I regret answering the phone.

  “Listen, I know how badly you want to make it, but are you sure you want to do this? I mean what are you going to do, just show up and say surprise it’s a girl?”

  I laugh, even though I know she isn’t kidding. “Actually, that is pretty much what I plan to do. Leigh, I just found out my brother is Blake Foster. Do you have any idea what kind of influence he has in the modeling world?”

  “No, I don’t and honestly I don’t care because it’s fucked up. You can’t just expect your long-lost brother to just help you out like that,” she whispers.

  I just ignore her and keep right on talking. “His best friend is Jax Burke. Jax’s girlfriend is Kallie Gregory, one of the top photogs right now. I mean if this isn’t fate, what is it?”

  She gives me a sarcastic laugh and I’m ready to hang up. “It isn’t fate McKinley. Fate is when you find the love of your life when you least expect it when a friend you’ve been needing happens to find you when things happen you least expect. What this is, is you thinking you are entitled to something that you aren’t. Blake doesn’t owe you shit; he doesn’t even know you exist. It’s not his fault his father left your mom. You don’t suddenly get to have a different life because your mom got drunk and told you the truth. You are setting yourself up for disappointment and setting him up for a fucking grenade he doesn’t deserve.”

  Fuck her, she’s just as bad as my mother. She’s a rich bitch who has no idea what it’s like to have nothing. She hasn’t had to sleep with a guy, just to have a place to stay or sell yourself to get rent money or work at a fucking strip club because no one else would hire you. She doesn’t know how shitty each photographer I went to made me feel unless they were the ones wanting to fuck me for payment. I deserve a chance and Blake Foster is my chance.

  “I’ll talk to you later Leigh.” I just hang up; I don’t wait for anything else. She’s only going to try to make me feel like shit and I won’t let that happen. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m going to find my brother. If it happens that he wants to help his sister get in with big models and photographers, well I will thank him. I sure as fuck am not about to let my mom or Leigh make me feel like shit for my decision. I’m not hurting anyone by going, I’m simply putting myself out there. No harm in that.

  Chapter 2

  Braden

  * * *

  Never in my life did I think I’d hear the words; I want a divorce. Even worse, never did I think I’d feel the relief I felt when I heard those words. Sarah and I had what I thought was the perfect marriage. We always wanted to be together, we had a ton of laughs and our sex life was amazing. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with her. After we had our daughters, Dawn and Tiffany, I just couldn’t imagine being any happier. I had the love of three beautiful girls.

  Things started going downhill after Tiffany was born. We were always fighting, over nothing and everything. She would literally start jumping down my throat as soon as I walked in the door. I was tracking dirt, I was too loud and woke the baby, I forgot to take the garbage out, I didn’t put my coffee mug in the dishwasher. I could go on and on. When we weren’t fighting, we weren’t talking. It seemed that if she wasn’t yelling at me, she wasn’t talking.

  We never had sex anymore and believe me, I tried. I tried every fucking day, but she always had an excuse. She was too tired, the girls could wake up, she wasn’t in the mood. Again, the excuses went on and on. It was to the point that we were just roommates, and not even roommates who mess around, just roommates. I spent a huge amount of time with the girls, and she locked herself away in the bedroom
. For a while I thought she must be depressed, it was the only explanation I could come up with. I made the mistake of asking her one day.

  “Sarah, you know things with us have been really bad lately and I’m not saying this to hurt you or to start a fight.” She crossed her arms and lifted her eyebrows. “Do you think maybe you need to go talk to someone? Like maybe you’re depressed.”

  She actually had the balls to laugh. She threw her head back and laughed at what I had said. “Braden, I am far from depressed.” She went to walk out of the kitchen, and I gently grabbed her arm to get her to stay.

  “Fine, you’re not depressed, then what’s wrong?” She looks back at me with a look of anger. “Maybe we need to go to marriage counseling.”

  She pulls her arm out of my hand and turns to face me, crossing her arms again. “I want to go back home.” I look around the house, like where the fuck does she think we are? “Not here, home. To my parents.” Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I hate it there; her parents tolerate me about as well as I do them. Although, if getting away for a few days is what she wants, I can do that to save this marriage.

  “That’s fine. We can go visit as soon as you want. How long are you thinking, like a week?” She rolls her eyes, and it makes me want to just walk away from this whole thing already. I’m already pushed to the point of breaking and every time she complains, rolls her eyes, or is a bitch, it pushes me that much closer.